


Lacuna

by Itzqu33nz



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Minor Bang Chan/Lee Felix, Minor Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 16:12:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17646101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itzqu33nz/pseuds/Itzqu33nz
Summary: "Demon to some, angels to others"Theyre dying flowers yet they haven't even bloomed.





	Lacuna

**Author's Note:**

> Yikes so I'm trying something new? So this might be trash sorry 😔🤙 also woojin, Seungmin and changbin aren't mentioned sorry ;-;

He doesn't mean to fall in love. Jisung doesn't mean it. But he's so pretty, with glistening eyes that draw him in and a smirk that reads the soul. His hair is a black ebony that settles perfectly and sweeps in a way that leaves him breathless. His hands play with the hems of shirts and his strong thighs flash in the rips of his black jeans. He has Jisung gasping for air and in return Jisung has him on his knees begging to be freed. 

He meets him at a party. Jisung is new meat. A freshman transferring mid year. He's a sophomore with pretty lips and honey coated words and purple bruises on his back. But Jisung doesn't care when they whisper to him that he's the devil and Jisung his toy. 

Jisung doesn't flinch when he's wrapping his arms around his shoulders and cooing at him. Calling him cute. Jisung doesn't flinch when he's sipping his vodka and orange juice and starts pouting at the taste. He doesn't care when a feathery light laugh leaves his pouty lips as he leans in close. 

Because Jisung can hear the water crashing in his ears as he asks one thing to this beautiful stranger. “who are you?”

And the boy is smiling, a genuine smile that Jisung will only see again in two years. A smile that opens his heart and finds him falling. 

“demon to some, angel to others.” the response shocks him but at the same time it doesn't. All he can do is throw his head back and laugh because he thinks he can see the moon shining in this boys eyes. And it's bright, so bright, and yet so far off. 

Jisung doesn't know how it happens but he meets hyunjin. Hyunjin is breathlessly beautiful with black wavy hair and a cigarette between his thick lips. He's got twinkling eyes and a laugh that sounds like heaven but he makes a great friend. That's it. Jisung still remembers the boy with moon eyes and a feathery light laugh. And Hyunjin knows him. 

“Lee Minho Hyung!” 

That's what hyunjin calls him and jisung finds himself hanging out with them often. Minho and him don't make any moves. But touches linger too long, whispers in between unnecessary neck kisses and sometimes hands held leave their skin scorching. It sends jisung's head spinning and his lungs gasping. And than that school year ends and summer comes fresh and warm and sticky. 

And jisung doesn't know how it happened but he ends up avoiding Minho. He spends his summer with Hyunjin and a boy named Felix. 

Felix has the stars painted on his face and the sand in his hair. He's from Australia and his voice reminds jisung of the ocean, deep and calm but a riot all around. Jisung loves his two friends. Felix is a ball of energy but shys away from trouble while hyunjin finds trouble coming his way and smiles through it all. 

Hyunjin doesn't question why jisung stops hanging out with Minho. He doesn't need to. 

“What's up? Why don't you hang out with us anymore” His long legs are swinging as they sit on the roof of hyunjin's house. 

“Minho” Jisung says simply, his tongue is burning and his heart feels heavy. Hyunjin only throws his head back and laughs. He understands. 

“So what's up with you huh?”

“Dunno. i need to stop waking up in random people's beds though.” 

It's a whisper and jisung can only look at hyunjin in sadness. The tall boys eyes are clouded over. Hyunjin looks perfect but sex is his weapon as he was born with his chest ripped open. A victim of assault at such a young age. Told he'd be nothing more, told things that burn to the touch and engrave in the mind. Desperately looking for a touch that would heal his wounds and give him wings to jump. Jisung leans up and kisses his cheek. 

It's their thing. They kiss each other's cheeks to express their feelings towards each other. They have unspoken words yet their hearts seem to sing together a story they can feel in between the spaces of their ribs. 

“Make room you shitheads!”

Hyunjin and jisung laugh, scooting over as Felix sits himself between them. 

“So what's up?” Hyunjin and jisung ask in unison. All three burst into laughter. 

“ya know...The usual shit”

The boys all nod and hyunjin passes his cigarette between the three.

Felix has pretty lashes and they're always full with unshed tears. He has no one engraved in his heart and no home to call his. He's got the galaxy sprinkled in his empty space where only he resides. And that's where hyunjin and jisung had planted themselves. In Felix's space. 

So here they were. Dying flowers who hadn't even bloomed. Their youth ripped away. 

But jisung had lied. He knew how he stopped hanging out with Minho and they all knew. Jisung's phone was buzzing and shaking on the roof but nobody said anything about it. 

“Lotta cloud huh?”

“Someone's popular.”

“Yep”

Felix passed the cigarette back to hyunjin and the three laid back as the sun disappeared and their eyes fluttered closed and the only sound was their own tears they choked on filling their lungs and the puff of hyunjin's stick of cancer. Jisung wondered what he was going to do when it was all over. It didn't matter. He'd probably be dead. 

Jisung can still remember it when he saw those purple hickeys all over minho's neck. A hand in his back pocket with those beautiful giggles leaving his chest and jisung finally understood he'd never have him as his own because at every party Minho had people falling to his feet. 

Jisung had blocked his number. 

[2:45am] Minho: i miss you

[478 unread messages from Minho]

[Block?]

[Block?]

And then the next year comes in. And then Minho is sitting with then again but jisung somehow avoids him. But now there's more. 

A senior named chan with platinum blonde hair and a coffee in his hands to soothe away his tired eyes. He's kind and calm with insomnia stretched in his heart and he writes words that tear open flesh and expose the truths. He's their solace but they know he can't listen to every song they strum. 

And Jeongin. A boy with braces connected to his bright smile. He wears short shorts and slutty tights and cries at insults because he can't process even his own tastes in boys and maybe he's asking for the ass grabs and whistles. He smiles and kisses each of their cheeks and he's their soft innocent baby but they know it's a lie. 

So their dynamics shift. Jeongin gives hyunjin wings and hyunjin protects him with what hope jeongin gives him. Jisung and Felix connect at the hip and try to fill the spaces between their bones with each other but it's not enough. 

Minho sends jisung's head into a frenzy and it's painful. It hurts. It hurts when chan and Minho start going out and jisung can't help but watch as it happens. Love is an ugly thing people color the sky with but the truth is that it rains down in gray and drowns your lungs and crashes in your ears. 

It's half way through the year and chan and Minho breakup because they don't love each other but everyone knew it. Their dynamics are shifting once again. 

Jeongin is settled in Hyunjin's lap, stealing the cigarette from his lips, tossing it to the ground and kissing him desperately. Felix sits with his head on chan's shoulder as they find something between themselves. 

And jisung. Jisung is once again at Minho's mercy. Number unblocked. But it's more than last time. Their kissing at any moment. Desperately trying to love one another but their puzzles don't fit. One step ahead. One step behind. Because Minho is lagging behind. Trying when jisung is already tired and trying to heal the time gone by. 

Minho hurts him in ways he can't express and all he can see is the purple hickeys on minho's neck he didn't make. The ones that burned his eyes and scorched his heart and set his mind on fire. But he kept pushing and pushing. 

And then it's the end of the year party and they're dancing a thin line. And jisung can't dance. Minho can but jisung cant. Because they're at a party and jisung is drunk out of his mind on his feelings and he's got orange juice in a cup with no vodka or alcohol but his words are slurred and his eyes are lidded and hes sending Minho a smirk and a smile across the room. And he's pulling him away. And Minho is striding over. Jisung feels disgusting as they make out in the middle of the room and then he's whispering curses across his skin and he finds himself on minho's white sheets the next morning and he feels sick. 

His arms are weak and this time Minho's skin is painted in his lips but he feels wrong. It's wrong and he can see regret behind his eyelids as he tosses on his clothes and runs out crying nothing. Calling hyunjin to pick him up. His heart is torn and he's throwing it all up. Because he wasn't even drunk. His mind was just hazy and in love. Love was an ugly thing that painted his skies gray and colored his world white and black and tasted thick on his tongue. And jisung was once again making his own noose. 

Minho wakes with a jolt and he's fast enough to catch the car speeding away. Hwang's. The sheets are wrinkled and his legs hurt and his skin burns. He feels like his skin is peeling and stretched. It hurts him in ways he can't understand. His phone lights up and when he sees it he wishes he hadn't. 

[5:54am] JiSung: sorry, it meant nothing x

But Minho was sober that night. Buzzed off of a cigarette or two. And he's shedding tears and feeling his chest and neck remembering the words whispered against his skin. He feels like a sin. And be can't be bothered to cleanse himself as he stands and stumbles to his bathroom to clean up his legs and lick his wounded heart. 

Summer comes around but it's too hot. It's uncomfortable and thick. Sluggish. Jisung and HyunJin are talking on his roof again but this time jeongin sits between them clinging to HyunJin in a black skirt and a pink sweatshirt. Hyunjin and jisung are passing a cigarette and all jisung can think of is wondering what will happen next. Probably nothing because he'll be dead. 

And jeongin sits between them because. Because… oh. Right. 

Felix moves away back to Australia with screams and cries and kicks. But they haul him away claiming he has family they found. Felix cries out into his once again empty space but it's all drifting away. The boys watch with teary eyes and chan falls back to sleepless nights. Hyunjin stumbles but jeongin catches him, jisung feels the spaces between his ribs clear up. He misses the galaxy. He misses the space the boys had filled. He misses the sand and the ocean Felix brought to them. He doesn't even cry. 

And then the next year is it. Chan moves to Australia to chase Felix down now that he's free of high school. It's minho's senior year. Hyunjin and jeongin are living together and plan to marry after jeongin graduates. Jisung. Jisung doesn't know. He'll probably be dead. 

Minho and jisung are once again dancing a fine line. They're stepping on their own knives and Minho can still feel the prayers against his skin when he finds jisung late at night. 

It's half way through the year once again. Minho holds the moon in his dreamy eyes. And jisung can't help but fall for him all over again. They're standing on a bridge and jisung sits on the railing dangling his feet over the edge. His phone is buzzing like crazy on the pavement of the road. 

“Lotta clout?”

“Mhm…”

Minho shakes and wants to rip his hair out as he stares at the boy in front of him. Because Minho has the moon in his eyes but jisung has the dying sun staring right back. Jisung had the yellow waves of hair and whispers of rays of light. And Minho shakes and anticipates. 

Jisung opens his mouth and he's spilling it all because he wants it all over with. 

“You know I wasn't drunk that night.”

“I figured as much.”

“Plain orange juice. It was just orange juice. You know. I'm in love with you and it's burning my heart. I don't know how. I don't know how. You know because I never knew what I wanted but my mum she knew she wanted for me. And it's been like that. And than freshman year you whispered you're the devil and claimed to be an angel. And I realized.”

Jisung laughs. 

“You're an angel Minho. You're an angel who breaks the rules and plays the devils game. You're the moon hanging in my skies I guess.” Jisung stumbles over his words that night sitting on the bridge. “So I guess. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm in love with you.”

And Minho is crying and choking and his skin and heart and mind are burning but there's no tears. he's just shaking and smiling that smile from two years ago as he runs over and kisses jisung like his life depends on it. 

And they know. 

They both know. 

Minho releases his fingers from jisung's collar and jisung falls back into the water. 

Because love. Love is a lot of gray skies and black water that hits you like a wave and crashes in your ears and drowns your lungs as it fills the crevices in your chest. But there's a rainbow in the light. 

And it comes when Minho jumps in after jisung.

And love. Love is an ugly thing

And nobody cries when they show up at the memorials because no one shows up except for a pretty boy with black wavy hair and a cigarette between his plump lips. No one shows up except a boy with braces stuck to his teeth and colorful tights. No one shows up except a boy with a cup of coffee and a binder full of music tucked under his arm. No one shows up except for a boy with stars on his face and the smell of the salty breeze in his hair. 

And no one cries because love. 

Love was the devil in the form of an angel. 

Their chests were sewn and their hearts were torn but it was beating. 

And that was enough. 

 

(n.) Lacuna  
A blank space, a missing part

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! Id live feedback and am happy to answer questions!


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